Missing them both tonight...

"What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance.  They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life.  And, most importantly, cookies."  ~Rudolph Giuliani

Today we said goodbye to my grandmother, Jean Strunk.  She passed away this past week after a two-year battle with dementia, Alzheimer's, and other medical issues.  She declined in heath significantly after my grandfather Gene passed away in 2009 from complications due to lymphoma.  They were married for over 60 years.   My middle name is Jean, in honor of my grandmother.

When I was growing up, I enjoyed going to Grandma and Grandpa Strunk's house to play in the woods and pick persimmons.  I loved it when we had cookouts and family gatherings and I was able to play with all of my cousins.  I liked going to craft shows with them and my mom where they had a booth to sell woodworking and sewing crafts.  Yet through all that, I was one of the very youngest grandchildren and I remember always feeling like the older grandchildren were so much closer to our grandparents than I was and that they loved their other grandchildren more than me.  This is stupid and untrue... but as a child you sometimes create your own realities despite the actual facts.

Several years ago before Robbie was born, Sam and I were having trouble finding a church to go to near our home. Nothing really "fit" us. One Sunday, we visited Grandma & Grandpa's church where they had been pastoring for some time.  There was a lady leading songs and Grandpa accompanied on the guitar.  He asked me if I would be willing to play the piano.  (Now as a disclaimer here... I took piano lessons for years, but never really practiced.  I can read notes, but I don't play by notes very well.  I can play a little by chords if I know what chords to play.  I can't really play "by ear" like several in my family can. Also having been part of PMO, I have seen REAL talent and ability and know where I actually stand...As a musician I am "adequate" and it brings me personal pleasure... that's about it)  I said, sure, why not and stepped up to play.  Grandpa kept eyes on me and as we played the songs, he mouthed the chords "G.... F.... C.... F...." so that I could play along.

Grandpa and Grandma told me after the service that they would love me to come back and to play again.  I thought about it the whole way home... and through the whole next week... and then I did.  Every Sunday I would drive from Brownsburg the two hours south to their church to play.  During that time, I had the opportunity to play music with my grandfather and sing with my grandparents.  I was able to hear Grandpa preach and tell stories and jokes... things I had never heard before, things I didn't know, things I needed to hear.  I was able to join with them in prayer and fellowship and love.  And it was wonderful.  One Sunday Grandpa said from the pulpit God had time and time again proved that he was there through answered prayer.  He said, "I prayed for months that God would send us a piano player, and he did!  Today as I prayed I thanked God that he sent my own granddaughter to us when we needed her."  And I felt special.  And loved.  And important.  But most of all, I felt like I had finally made that connection with my grandparents that I had been missing as a little child...

But getting to know my grandparents a little better (as an adult instead of just as a little kid), I realized that they had always loved me... and all of their grandchildren... and children and each other.  These two people had so much love in their hearts.  More love than even seems possible.  What a wonderful set of grandparents I had.  Irreplaceable.  When I became pregnant with Robbie, the drive became to taxing on my body, and I had to stop attending their church.  Soon after, another piano player started attending the congregation relieving me of some of the "abandonment" guilt I was having.

I was not with my grandmother when she died.  I was able to see my grandfather at the hospital just before he died.  Dying sucks.  Pain.  Sorrow.  Confusion.  Fear.  What nasty things to have to see happening to those you love so much and who all your life you have looked up to as a source of strength and vitality.  But here is what I know.  My grandparents were believers to the core.  Ever fiber of their being was dedicated to love and service of Jesus Christ and today they are at peace in Heaven.  I also know that they wouldn't want us to be sad and to mourn them.  They would want us to LIVE and to LOVE and to seek the face of God in our daily lives... because that is why their own hearts were so big and they were able to make each little grandchild hold a place of honor in their lives.

A week ago, one of my aunts gave me a box of things they removed from my grandparents house.  Pictures we had sent, letters & cards written, newspaper clippings of every little award I received or event participated in, programs from plays & musicals I participated in, etc.  From the time I was little to the present, little mementos of my life that Grandma & Grandpa had kept because I was special to them.

My own son is only three.  It is hard to even imagine the day when I might have grandchildren of my own.  When that day comes, I hope I can be as good as a role model as my own grandparents were.  I want to show that marriage and true love can last the test of time when you are willing to love, forgive, and honor your spouse.  I want to show that each and every person you interact with is worthy of your time and that God would want you to love that person and to teach them about His love for them.  I want to show them that family is important enough to sacrifice your "busy" weekend to share a meal with those you love.  And most of all, I want them to see a big heart... big enough to hold Jesus, and your spouse, and your children, each and every one of your grandchildren, and all the people in the world who you meet.

They are gone... and my heart is sad tonight.  I am not sad for them because they are in bliss.  I am sad for me and for my family who have to learn to live without them.  Fortunately for us, Gene & Jean Strunk provided an excellent example of how to live each day to the fullest and for that, I will be eternally grateful.  When the roll is called up yonder, Grandma & Grandpa -- me and mine, we'll be there.

Psalm 103:17 

But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children.