We Survive.

You know how sometimes things are going so well, that you're afraid to comment on it? Afraid that if you point out how great things are, then something really bad might happen?

So, for about 2 months Robbie has been pretty healthy. He's been walking. He's been jabbering. He's eating well and feeling great. He's been sleeping through the night. Everything has been hunky dory.

Last Thursday I got the scariest call I've ever had from the Daycare.

Kathy: "Amanda, we're having a problem with Robbie."
Me: "OK. What's up?"
Kathy: "Vicky had him in his high chair feeding him when his eyes rolled back into his head and he started convulsing. He's having a seizure. We've dialed 911."
Me: "OK"

At this point I don't remember any of the rest of the conversation. I dropped everything I was doing, grabbed my keys and purse, and drove to the daycare. On the way, I called Sam, called the pediatrician's office, called mom, called a friend from work to check if I closed my classroom door and turned off my computer. When I got to the daycare, the paramedics had my poor little baby stripped down to his diaper and laying on a stretcher in the ambulance. The seizure was over, but he was all limp and out of it. I couldn't touch him enough. It was like I needed to kiss every inch of his body to convince myself it was ok.

I rode in the ambulance to the emergency room with him. Sam met us there and Kathy brought our car. Later that evening, Jack and Gwen came up. We couldn't call anyone really because we had no service and there was no way I was leaving Robbie to make anything but the most essential calls. We were there all evening. By the time we left, Robbie (although exhausted) was back to his normal stuff. He was walking up and down the hallways in his tiny peach hospital gown and flirting with nurses.

The doctor said that he had a febrile seizure. These are brought on by a sudden high fever (over 103 degrees). We couldn't determine what caused the fever even though they did every test known to man. There is a 30% chance that this will happen again if he gets a high fever. Children who experience these seizures usually "grow out of it" by the time they are 6 and never have another one. These are not really related to epilepsy.

We are tired. We have a baby on antibiotics who acts like none of this ever happened. But I will never, ever forget how terrifying it was. I will never forget how my heart stopped for a moment. I will never forget how precious this little guy is to me. I will never forget that even though times get hard... harder than you want them to be... that at the end of the day... we survive.